Walk O’ Shame

• Posted on April 15, 2009 at 3:21 am

I was driving to work on a recent Saturday morning when I saw a sight so familiar, it made my heart skip a beat. I witnessed a young girl doing “The Walk of Shame” or TWS for short. I know this walk all too well, although it’s been years since I’ve had to do one. Many of these walks took place while I was in college. I’m not even going to explain what one is because I KNOW, dear readers, that you’ve all had to do one at least once in your life. The best TWS story I ever heard was from a former co-worker of mine named Mike.

Mike was your typical frat guy; good looking and he knew it. Mike was also as dumb as a box of rocks and had NO personality whatsoever, but he had the best “hook-up” stories, so when we were slow at work, I’d make him tell me one. Warning- Mike comes off as an incredible asshole in this one (not surprising), but remember, he was really, really dumb.

Mike hooked up with a very drunk sorority girl (shock!) and they came back to his apartment to get it on. They fooled around and then passed out in his bed. When Mike woke up a few hours later, he smelled something awful. He then discovered that his lovely date had shit herself in his bed. ALL OVER HIS BED. Mike freaked out, wrapped her naked body up in the sheets and laid her outside on his front lawn. I repeat, he wrapped her up and laid her outside! Can you imagine what the hell must have been going through this poor girl’s head when she woke up naked, covered in shit, outside in an unfamiliar neighborhood, and had to walk her happy ass home? I would have been power walking back to my place at the speed of light. I’m assuming Mike put her clothes out there, too, but I’m actually not sure if he did or not. What if she’d walked home all wrapped up in the sheets like the freaking Statue of Liberty? And what do you say to your fellow sorority sisters once you get there? “Yeah, I don’t know what happened. We were fucking and the next thing I know, I’m covered in my own fecal matter on the front lawn. How weird is that? Anyone got a mint, my breath tastes like shit!”

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  • The College Years