I Heart Snooki!

• Posted on January 19, 2010 at 1:11 am

Oh sweet Jesus, please help me because I’ve now turned into a “Jersey Shore” watching, Bumpit wanting, Snooki loving freak. I heard a lot about this show in the media before I had even seen an episode, then last weekend MTV ran a marathon of all the episodes and I got hooked.

For those of you living under a rock and have no clue what this show is about, I’ll give you a high-level overview of things. MTV took a bunch of dirt balls from New Jersey, put them up in a house on the boardwalk that looks like it was decorated in 1975 (and looks like it would smell like fish mixed with sweat), then filmed the ensuing chaos that followed.

Here’s how EVERY episode plays out…the gang goes out to bars, gets totally wasted, gets into a fight or two (the girls included), then they all go back to the sweaty fish house to eat and pass out. Then they wake up the next day, go tanning, workout, and get their hair done. And so on and so on. This formula does not change.

I haven’t bothered to learn any of the characters names because they all look the same to me, that is with the exception of Snooki and a man who calls himself “The Situation.” I must have missed the episode were they explained why they have those nicknames, but I heart Snookers so much, I’m considering naming my first born child after her. I feel the name works equally well for a girl or a boy. Snooki’s hair is taller than she is, her skin is so tan it looks purple, and she took a punch in the face by a guy at a bar, yet still continued to go out and party the next night. That’s my kind of girl! Ain’t nothing gonna bring Snooki down!

“The Situation” looks like he’s a hard 40 and spends his nights “creeping” on girls. I do give him some credit, though, because he loves to cook and frequently makes huge meals for all the roommates. Gotta love a man who can cook, although with all that gel in his hair, I’m always scared he’s going to catch on fire when he’s grilling out.

There are also two roommates who met on the show and starting dating. He’s a breakdown of their relationship…make out, say you can’t live with one another, get drunk, start fighting with each other, get super pissed and break something. Yes, Jersey love is beautiful yet turbulent.

There are two more guys on the show, but they blur together for me because because all I see are tans and tattoos and there’s another girl who looks like a stripper in the making who, shockingly, cheated on her boyfriend with one of the roommates. Those Jersey girls just can’t be trusted!

I must say, I have never in my life had the desire to visit the Jersey Shore and now I REALLY never want to go there. I am too pale and too Midwestern to ever fit in and I think they’d all kick my ass as soon as I crossed the border. I’m staying right here in Illinois where everyone is an upstanding and amazing human being…riiiiiight.

• 6 Comments on I Heart Snooki!
• Filed under
  • The Boob Tube