Posts tagged with 'stupid people'

Tampon Shooters, Anyone?

  • Posted on December 11, 2009 at 1:33 am

alcohol-Effects

I read something in the news a couple of months ago that I found so yucky and gross, that I had to go to my happy place and file it away until now. So it seems that kids today are finding new and completely revolting ways to get drunk. The first method I heard involves soaking a tampon in vodka (or any liquor for that matter) then shoving it up your coochie (if you’re a girl) or your bung-hole (if you’re a boy). WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THIS?! Okay, I get not wanting your breath to wreak like alcohol, thus improving the chances that your parents aren’t going to bust you, but other than that, I don’t really see the up-side of this.

At first, I thought this had to be just another ridiculous urban legend, so I went to my trusty website “snopes.com” to see if they could dispel this myth AND THEY CAN’T! WHAT? They find out that EVERYTHING is an urban legend, but this sick shit is real?! Oh the humanity! They’re even doing this at frat parties because it gets you drunk faster. I’m having visuals of all the frat brothers bending over and grabbing their ankles, while Jagar bomb tampons get inserted. Has this replaced the keg stand? Is NOTHING sacred anymore?

The second “new wave” drunken technique I’ve heard about is snorting vodka. I even remember the paparazzi getting pics of Prince Harry (the hot/wild one) doing this a year or so ago. Wouldn’t this burn like hell? And wouldn’t you feel like you are drowning? The only thing I’ve ever put up my nose is Zicam when I’ve been sick and they even pulled that crap off the market because people were losing their sense of smell from doing it. That may explain why I can work in a store with a million different scents going on and not have it bother me. Anyway…

It saddens me that kids are taking drinking to this kind of extreme. What happened to the days of finding that weird older kid who was still hanging around all the high schoolers to go and get you beer? What happened to beer bongs and drinking games like Asshole, Bullshit, and Pyramid? What happened to waking up covered in puke and not knowing if it was your own or your friends? Hey kids, your breath SHOULD wreak like alcohol (then later in the night, vomit)! You SHOULD NOT be putting alcohol anywhere other then where God intended and that’s in your mouth. So drink it up, puke it up, then remember what that hangover feels like the next day and NEVER drink that much again.

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM BROOKEAMANDA.COM. Parents of teenagers, you’re welcome.

Keep It Moving!

  • Posted on November 3, 2009 at 4:19 pm

waiting in line

Here’s a scenario…you’re in line at the store waiting to pay and the person ahead of you is finishing up with their transaction. Everything going along swimmingly until it’s time for them to pay. For some godforsaken reason, even though the place is packed and there is a HUGE line, this moron decides that this is the perfect time to teach their child how to pay.

OH MY GOD! This is NOT the time to teach your 5 year old how to swipe your debit card and punch in the numbers. JUST DO IT YOURSELF! I’m all for teaching children how to be self-reliant, and if the store is totally empty and there is NO ONE else behind you in line, then knock yourself out. Heck, teach them how to write out a damn check if you want. But the second someone else comes up behind you, then take over for your kid.

I’ve been on both sides of this situation as I’ve been behind these people in line and I’ve also been a cashier waiting on them to finish up as the other customers start to give them dirty looks (to which they’re ignorantly oblivious). My parents never did this kind of crap with me and guess what? I still learned how to pay for things on my own! It’s not brain surgery and your kid will figure it out just fine.

Here’s in idea…how about teaching your child to be thoughtful of others and to move quickly and efficiently through a check-out line so it doesn’t turn into one big cluster fuck? Now THAT is a useful life lesson.

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