Posts tagged with 'relationships'

The Dutch Oven

  • Posted on May 25, 2009 at 2:27 am

Here’s a familiar scenario…boy meets girl, boy asks girl out on a date, they really like each other and decide to become exclusive, then the girl rips a juicy fart. Okay, maybe that’s not how most dating stories start out, but I’m wondering, when it is finally acceptable to fart in front of your honey? Or is it EVER okay?

I, for one, belong to the school of thought that you should let your freak flag fly early in a relationship so the person knows what they’re getting into. I just see no point in being fake. Where the hell does that get you? I also come from a long line of very gassy individuals and would probably blow up if I tried to hold it all in.

Now, I’m not suggesting you start taking dumps on one another’s chests and roll around in your own waste, but a healthy toot now and then should only strengthen a relationship. One of my ex-boyfriends was fond of farting, then saying, “Did you hear a duck?” Some woman would have been disgusted by that…I found it endearing.

I think one should preferably wait to fart until after the relationship has been consummated. Same goes for peeing, puking, or shitting in front of a sexual partner. Hold off on the uncontrollable stuff until you make them cum a few times. You don’t want to ruin the sexy too early do you?

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When Fuck Buddies Attack, Part One

  • Posted on May 11, 2009 at 12:43 am

At some point in one’s life, you may have a “fuck buddy.” This is a person you do NOT want to date…you simple want to have sex with them. I don’t judge anyone that chooses to take a fuck buddy because I had one for a few months myself. I certainly didn’t start off looking for that, but what can I say, my hormones won over.

I started to date a guy who I quickly found out was a bit immature for his age. He was a nice guy, attractive and somewhat intelligent, but he was also still partying with twenty year olds every weekend (he’s 33 yrs old) and didn’t have a full-time job. Which meant, I got to pay for our dates (AWESOME!) or we split the bill or we just didn’t go out. After a month of this (and other issues I won’t get into) I was done. I ended things and that was that.

But…the sex was really good. So, long story short (and a few dirty texts later) I had him come over for a nooner. And so began our fuck buddy relationship. I was VERY CLEAR in the beginning as to what I wanted…sex with NO strings attached. This is where I think I should have been born a guy because I can easily separate sex from emotion and all I wanted was to call him up a couple times a week, cum like a banshee, and get back to my life. I mean, I have a blog to write, damn it! I didn’t even care if either one of us chose to date other people. Totally fine by me.

My married guy friend thought this arrangement was AMAZING and I would regale him with tales of our trysts. It was so fun, I was very happy and I was finally getting my freak on after a long dry spell. What single man wouldn’t be happy with this arrangement? Well, apparently, I got THE ONE GUY who had a problem with this. He started to get clingy, he wanted me to spend the night, he would want to cuddle and talk afterwards and I just wanted to get dressed and get him the hell out of my place. I started to feel like I was the guy in this situation and he was the big, fat Vagina McVaginastein.

I think I somehow hurt his feelings by not wanting anything more than sex and I’m sure I did treat him like a human sex toy, but was that so wrong? When did guys turn into overly emotional girls?

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