Posts tagged with 'Puking Sucks'

It’s Only Funny Till Someone Pukes

  • Posted on January 14, 2010 at 1:45 am

Beer

I’ve realized now that since I’m in my thirties I just can’t drink anymore. Or, more accurately, I can’t drink the way I used to when I was in my twenties and wake up fresh as a daisy the next morning. Case in point, Saturday night I went to dinner with two of my friends, consumed a few Blue Moons, then went back to my friend’s house where I had a few Bud Lights, then came home where I decided it would be a great idea to top all of that off with a glass of white wine. I woke up on Sunday wanting to die.

Not only did I vomit up my entire breakfast of scrambled eggs not once, not twice, but THREE times, I also had the headache from hell ALL day long. I did not feel remotely human until 9:00PM that night. Ugh.

What is even more disturbing is the fact that I had a clear warning sign about a month ago that my drinking days were numbered. I wrote last month about my friends Christmas party in December that they have every year, where vast amounts of wine are consumed till the wee hours of the morning. What I didn’t go into detail about was what happened to me at about 5:00A.M the next morning. I will now share that previously untold story with you as best I can remember.

I awoke in my friend’s living room having passed out on their loveseat. My friend Maria and her boyfriend were asleep on an air mattress and my friend’s boss was passed out, and snoring loudly, on the other couch. I felt my stomach start to churn and knew something was going to come out of at least one end of me very soon.

I ran to the bathroom and I did indeed have to pooh. But this wasn’t any old pooh…this was the kind that makes you hot and sweaty and you think you are going to die. So, naturally, I undressed myself while sitting on the toilet seat and clutched the wall for dear life. I was now only wearing white socks and my nude-colored cami that was pulled down around my waist.

All of a sudden, I felt like I was going to vomit, but I couldn’t get up off the toilet because I still had business to do down there, so I caught my puke in my hands. I am nothing if not multi-talented. Once the “battle of the bowels” was over, I was still so very hot…and they have a cool ceramic tile floor…so I put two and two together and rolled around on it until I felt better. Note, I was still only wearing socks and the cami. I feel that would have been the perfect Kodak moment for someone to have walked in on, but thank God there is no photographic evidence of that moment in time. NOT my finest hour.

So, now I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m getting old and will have to cut back on the alcohol for my own health and, most importantly, what’s left of my dignity. Sigh.

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