Pedophile Round-Up

• Posted on February 24, 2009 at 7:40 pm

Singlesnet

A couple of years ago, my newly single sister turned me onto an online dating website called singlesnet.com. The good the about it was anyone can join for free. The bad thing about it was ANYONE can join for free. Here’s a list of the future serial killers I met on singlesnet.

Screen Name: “The King’s Men”
Profile: This MARRIED man was looking for a second wife to go along with his current wife! He wrote, “I know it’s unusual in this country, but not in other parts of the world. My wife says I can surely ruin any woman for another man.” Um, WTF?!
The Aftermath: The best part of his profile was his picture. It showed his Korean, mail-order-looking wife, KNEELING beside him and they are both smiling away. When I emailed to tell him what a pig I thought he was, he wrote me back and hit on me! Yuck.

Screen Name: “Vinnie”
Profile: Vinnie sent me a message telling me he thought I was cute. This may have been flattering except for three things. First, Vinnie had a patch over one eye (I like to refer to him as “Patchy”) that he didn’t bother to try and explain. And I do think having a pirate’s patch requires even a small explanation. Second, he looked like he was about 60 years old and may have been a Hell’s Angel at one point in his life. Third, Patchy’s note to me was barely literate with so many typos I thought a freaking monkey had randomly punched the keyboard.
The Aftermath: Needless to say, I did not respond to his email, but I will always hold a warm place in my heart for Patchy.

Screen Name: “Don”
Profile: Don was listed as a therapist who worked with borderline personality disorder, among other things. I have no idea what that means. Don was a little odd, but for some reason [bordom/loneliness] I kept emailing him and eventually we exchanged numbers. I had that sick feeling in my stomach that I had just done something terribly wrong and my fears were realized the day he called. Aside from the fact that he sounded just like Buffalo Bill from “The Silence of the Lambs,” he immediately started the conversation off by telling me about a patient he’d treated earlier that day.[Sidenote-isn't that against some oath therapists take?]

The woman had been sexaully abused when she was younger and he had her do something called “cry therapy.” [Couldn't she just cry about it at home for free?] Then he told me about another one of his client’s who’d been plagued his entire life by dreams of his death. Turns out, he was supposed to be a twin and his twin died in the womb so he had to grow next to a dead fetus. Appetizing!

I sat there in silence as he was talking because what am I honestly going to add to this conversation? “Well, my day was rough, too. We almost didn’t make our sales plan!” No, retail and therapy just don’t mix, unless you use retail therapy to make yourself feel better, but that’s a different story. The final straw was when Don asked me if I’d ever heard of the Klinger Personality Test. I said no, I hadn’t heard of it, then I heard pages shuffling on the other end of the line. He asked if I minded aswering some questions. I’m assuming he was trying to analyze my personality. I hung up.
The Aftermath: I stopped using singlesnet after that.

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