I Heart Jason Schwartzman

• Posted on April 17, 2009 at 1:07 am

I’ve been having a fairly shitty week and when that happens, I like to go to my happy place. For me, this means touching my lady parts whilst thinking of an actor I would like to have sex with. Don’t judge me…you freaky bastards have done it to! I tend to like more quirky men; no Brad Pitts for this gal. So, this week I’ve been concentrating quite heavily on Jason Schwartzman. For those readers who aren’t familiar with him, I’m here to enlighten you.

According to Wikipedia (where any educated person goes to get their information), Jason is an American actor and musician. He is probably most famous for his role a few years ago in Rushmore (and one of my all-time favorite movies.) Okay, he wasn’t wet panty worthy yet in that film, but he was hilarious. He really got my attention in “I Heart Huckabees,” a movie myself and about ten other people have seen. He had grown his hair out and was looking hot. I won’t go through his film list because that would be boring and bordering on stalkerish, but, if you haven’t seen “The Darjeeling Limited” you need to go out and rent it immediately. It’s fucking great. He not only starred in it, but he cowrote it, as well. He’s not just looks, he’s got a brain, too… love it. And his eyebrows are the most goddamn amazing things I have ever seen.

Oh, I forgot to mention he’s also Hollywood fucking royalty! His mom was Adrianne from all the “Rocky” movies AND his cousin is Sophia Coppola (which makes his uncle Francis Ford Coppola, but I like Sophia’s movies better.) AND he’s Jewish (I think). I may just be making that one up because I have a thing for Jewish men. Don’t even get me started on Adam Sandler.

Here’s the one thing about him I have to look past. He was in a band that wrote the song “California.” It was a decent song, until the TV show “The O.C.” used it as their theme song and played the hell out of it. Now that “The O.C.” has been off the air for awhile, I’m learning to forgive and forget.

Anyway, just bask in all of his awesome quirkiness and feel free to use the pics to your discretion. Close the bedroom door, light a few candles, and go at it. It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone.

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