The Dutch Oven

• Posted on May 25, 2009 at 2:27 am

Here’s a familiar scenario…boy meets girl, boy asks girl out on a date, they really like each other and decide to become exclusive, then the girl rips a juicy fart. Okay, maybe that’s not how most dating stories start out, but I’m wondering, when it is finally acceptable to fart in front of your honey? Or is it EVER okay?

I, for one, belong to the school of thought that you should let your freak flag fly early in a relationship so the person knows what they’re getting into. I just see no point in being fake. Where the hell does that get you? I also come from a long line of very gassy individuals and would probably blow up if I tried to hold it all in.

Now, I’m not suggesting you start taking dumps on one another’s chests and roll around in your own waste, but a healthy toot now and then should only strengthen a relationship. One of my ex-boyfriends was fond of farting, then saying, “Did you hear a duck?” Some woman would have been disgusted by that…I found it endearing.

I think one should preferably wait to fart until after the relationship has been consummated. Same goes for peeing, puking, or shitting in front of a sexual partner. Hold off on the uncontrollable stuff until you make them cum a few times. You don’t want to ruin the sexy too early do you?

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• Filed under
  • Dating (The Good, The Bad & The Ugly),
  • Sexy Times