Posts tagged with 'craigslist'

SWM Seeking A Good Time

  • Posted on February 23, 2010 at 4:30 pm

shaft

If you are ever feeling down and want to bring a smile to your face, then I highly recommend going over to Craigslist and reading some of the unintentionally hilarious personal ads that men put up on the website. I like peruse these ads at least once a week to make myself feel better about my life :) . Most of them are XXX rated, almost as if they just saw a porn and took the dialogue from the film and typed it up. Are these men looking for a girlfriend or a hooker because I can’t tell.

But the VERY best ads are the ones in which the men attach a picture of themselves. Now, one would think they would put up a picture of their face, but that assumption would be wrong. No, these guys put up “dick pics” of themselves. A dick pic is exactly what it sounds like…a guy chooses to get himself “excited,” then makes the very rational and not at all creepy choice of taking a picture of his shaft and posting it online for ANYONE to see.

Because nothing is going to sell a quality woman on your personality quite like a picture of your little willy. I’m trying to picture the woman who would be seriously reading one of these personal ads and wavering as to whether or not to write to the guy she’s interested in. Thank God he included a dick pic, because that just sealed her decision to write to him! Seeing his boner made her think, “That penis could be my future husband and the father of my children someday.”

It’s so desperate it’s almost sad…almost.

And You Wonder Why You’re Single, Part II

  • Posted on March 28, 2009 at 2:24 am

Here’s another round of nonsensical, Craigslist hotties. As usual, I did not correct any spelling or grammar. Gentlemen, be afraid…be very afraid!

Post #1:

“Drive safely is important to me and I hate people who zig zag in and out of la”

I am 5 feet 6 inches with straight dirty blonde hair and a nice smile. I am addicted to movies. Faced iwth the bewildering choices of movies here’s a few I truly enjoyed. Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans, Network, and The Bridge on the River Kwai. I’m good at communicating my innermost thoughts and feelings. Driving safely is important to me and I hate people who zig zag in and out of lanes on the expressway. Think we’re the right fit? Please contact me to let me know why.

Brooke’s 2 Cents:
Okay, she didin’t put an age on this, but I’m guessing late 50’s to early 60’s by her choice in movies. “Bridge on the River Kwai?” HOT! What guy isn’t going to get hard reading this? And NOTHING turns a man on more than safe driving. I have a feeling this nut job may be a driver’s ed instuctor. Maybe she gives good road head?

Post #2

“Hi fellows. Hopefully one of you guys will be the one for me.”

Friends say I am a fun loving, affectionate young lady who knows what it takes to make a relationship work. I’m not a maid. I’m not into picking up after people who do not pick up after themselves. I am 5 ft. 7 in. with silky chestnut brown hair and a cute face. Wow…where do these authors come up the these stories. I love it. In recent past I have read books as Vanished, Danielle Steel & The Client, John Grisham.

Brooke’s 2 Cents:
This post actually starts off well, then she kills it with the maid comment. It’s a little hostile. Then she describes herself and kind of makes up for the maid thing. But, out of nowhere, she segways into books and it just doesn’t make any sense. It’s like she has ADD and is just writing the first thing that comes to mind. Don’t people read these over before they submit them? Wouldn’t she read this and think, “Wow, I am making NO sense at all and sound like a complete lunatic?” Oh, well, at least she’s a lunatic that can read.

Post #3:

“Helen-w4m”

something happened to me recently that awakend this inner woman in me that lusts to be used as a woman. anyways, for the longest time now, I’ve wanted to have a quickie in the back of a SUV. i just see how big some of these backseatstrunks are I admit my mind thinks dirty thoughts. please tell me if you think Im crazy for this kinda lust? i want to meet you at you workplace and we can have some luchtime fun.this has been a huge fatasy of mine for a long tiem. i really like guys who can do wonders with there tongue, and if you do it good enough you can stick you cock in me. If your serious about meeting up with me his me back here cutebookbuddies im under hellodoctor

Brooke’s 2 Cents:
Yes, Helen, I think you’re crazy and more importantly, your fanasy is stupid and so are you. You can’t spell or write for shit. You had some big awakening as a woman and your only fanatsy is to fuck in a car. Really? You could have done that in high school. And don’t you have a job? How the hell are you going to drop everything and meet some dude in a parking lot for vehicular sex? You are a moron.

Post #4:

” A shot at love with a Mixed-Asian darling”

A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years.
What Im looking for from Craigslist is someone who would luv too have company to do adult things in life with like (dinner, learning kama sutra, morning coffee, etc.)
Sometimes, I am sarcastic. Sometimes I am extremely blunt.
Dancing makes me happy. (Usually I do this alone in my room, heehee.)
In general, I like males who are good looking and strong, but can also b thoughtful and intellectual when the situation call for it.

Brooke’s 2 Cents:
Hey, Tila Tequilla, are you writing a Haiku? What you are looking for from Craigslist is called an STD. Yeah, I know SO MANY guys looking to learn from the Kama Sutra and drink coffee. Have you seen the Kama Sutra? Someone could get injured trying to duplicate those moves. Why don’t you insert “drink beer and get laid?” instead. I think you would get a lot more responses that way. And, yes, I dance in my room by myself, too…when I’m really fucking drunk and have no sense of balance or dignity left (heehee).

And You Wonder Why You’re Single, Part One

  • Posted on March 15, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Why Women Hate Men

One of my favorite blogs is “Why Women Hate Men.” It’s about all the cheesy and horrific personal ads that men place. So in a nod to WWHM, I decided to see what the ladies were posting on craigslist.com personal ads in my area. Warning, the results are not pretty. Even though it killed me, I did not correct the spelling/grammatical errors so you could get the full effect of their lunacy.

Post #1

“I walk my talk therefore, hypcrites (yeah, you know who you are) bug me,” 40 yrs. old

Lust fades, so you’d better be with someone who can stand you. Looking for love not lust. Did I mention that I love movies? Here is one movie from the recent past that I’ve found memorable. Planet of the Apes…Let’s get to know each other…drop me a line with your thoughts.

Brooke’s 2 Cents: First, let’s overlook the obvious fact that the headline is a bit confrontational. I can’t get over that she admitted “Planet of the Apes” is her favorite movie! Is she talking about the shitty original version or the equally shitty remake starring Marky Mark? Does it even matter?

Post #2

“The superior man is modest in her speech, but exceeds in his actions, ” 32 yrs. old

Please don’t litter. Litterbugs aggravate me…If by chance this resonates with you please drop me a line.

Brooke’s 2 Cents: ??? Who is this going to resonate with- Johnny Appleseed? A Native American Indian with a tear running down his cheek? If her only qualification for a good man is one who doesn’t litter, she hasn’t set the bar very high.

Post #3

“big girls want love to.!!!”

Hey! !I’m a chubby, fun 20-something year old who likes too laugh…!!! Most days you can find me swimming or making friends with just about anyone who can get a laugh out of me!

The guy I seek should be cute, good looking, intelligent & considerate. He should have a job, and his own place to live. LOVE IS THE SELF-DELUSION WE MANUFACTURE TO JUSTIFY THE TROUBLE WE TAKE TOO HAVE SEX. I’m up for trying most new things, and I luv a little spontaneity every now & then.

Brooke’s 2 Cents: Where, oh where, to begin? She essentially just described herself as the female version of the Pillsbury Dough Boy- chubby & giggly. First of all, let’s ease up on the exclamation points! Okay!!! Second, why is she writing that a man has to be cute AND good-looking? Aren’t these pretty much the same qualities? And the fact that she misspelled half the words in this post, but one of her criteria for a man is that he be intelligent, proves she is a moron. And what is with the sentence about love being a cover up for sex? Is that what you tell yourself after you’ve just done the deed with a guy and he’s out the door as fast as he can get dressed? Fat & stupid is no way to go through life, Giggly.

Post #4

“Witty Korean looking for fun,” 35 yrs. old

This is the first time I register on a site like this. I have noticed that I have to describe myself in a few words. My friends say that I am like a cocktail. I have to a little bit of everything.I would like to establish a few ground rules. I like to make my own decisions. I usualy listen to one person and that’s me. I want someone who can like me for who I am and not for my looks or other I don’t know what criteria. I want what every normal women want. What do women want? :)

Brooke’s 2 Cents: WOW! That was so witty I peed myself laughing. I think Korea writes like she speaks- in broken English. She reminds me of freaking Lucy Lu in “Kill Bill.” This bitch ain’t taking shit from no one! And what does every normal woman want, Korea? Please tell me. I’m curious to see if we’re on the same page.

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