Maria Mouth’s Off

• Posted on May 1, 2009 at 2:19 am

I’m bonding with my new pet parakeets (motherhood is sooo exhausting) so I’ve asked my friend, Maria, to write a post for me about something that most men will probably NEVER comprehend…her breast reduction.

Maria Mouth’s Off

This summer I will celebrate a special anniversary about something I am so proud of…EIGHT wonderful years of being small chested! Those who didn’t know me pre-titty reduction may think I have a nice sized chest right now. I’ll have to agree on that one What most people don’t realize is what my life was like when the original “girls” were around.

I had an average chest pre-puberty, but it didn’t take long to establish that “average” were not the words to describe my chesticles after my hormones had their way with me. My mother would yell at me to “stand up straight” and my response to her was, “YOU try to stand up straight carrying these things around!” I would get numbness and tingling at the top of my spine for years that I never associated with “the twins” until I had my reduction and the problem magically vanished.

I would flat out refuse to run and jump. Six years after my reduction, I ran the Chicago marathon (it happened to be the year it was crazy hot and they cancelled it, but that’s another story). I covered myself in large tops; the cute little shirts and tank tops did not look good on me. I did discover I had a stomach once the chest was gone, but nothing a little diet and exercise couldn’t fix. No more giant jugs to hide behind!

So to answer all the questions that are probably on your minds (and ones I get all the time):

1. I was a 40DD at 5′9″
2. They removed 5 lbs. of boob and I now wear a 38C
3. Insurance totally covered the entire procedure and it only took two weeks to get approved.
4. I didn’t take any pain medication for the IV placement, which turned out to be the worst part of the whole surgery. I have a high pain tolerance.
5. The worst part of the recovery process, besides the boredom, were having the stitches removed. I had to go to my happy place until the pain was dulled out after the first couple of minutes.
6. Yes, there are scars, but they are not prominent at all.

At the time of the surgery I was in a serious relationship and although my boyfriend was sad to see them go, he was fine with the results. In the eight years that have followed there have obviously been other men in my life and until I mention the surgery, they have no idea.

So the moral of the story, boys and girls, is if you have big ones and it is driving you insane, if insurance will cover it or if you can afford it…I say just do it! Boobie reduction is so worth it and even Mick Jagger approves.**

**I know that is a weird thing to say, but my close friends know what it means

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