An Open-Letter To Dunkin’ Donuts
Dear Dunkin’ Donuts,
First off, let me congratulate you on making a coffee that is so highly addictive, I would be scared to drink it while pregnant for fear my children will be low birth weight and go through withdrawls. But the real reason I’m writing this letter is to nominate your employee, Gene, for “Employee of The Month.” Gene works the drive-thru window at my local Dunkin’ Donuts and can recognize my voice instantly. That means either he has a really good ear, or I go to your establishment way too fucking much.
Our exchange every morning goes something like this:
Gene: “Welcome to Dunkin’ Donuts. May I take your order?”
Me: “Yes, I’d like a large coffee with cream and sugar, please.”
Gene: “And a ham, egg, and cheese on an English muffin?”
Me: “Yes, please.” I don’t have the heart to special order it because I haven’t eaten pork since I was 14. I just don’t want to ruin our banter. I throw the ham away when I get to work. Plus, I kind of like the hammy flavor it leaves.
Gene: “Okay Brooke. See you at the window.”
It’s like he knows my soul! What a phenomenal guy! On a side note, I have no idea what ethnicity Gene is. Maybe Filipino? He has a definite accent and an interesting look that I just can’t place. And I highly doubt Gene is his real name. I’m sure he had to Americanize it for “the man” and I think that shows a great team spirit as well. He could be the manager someday! Gene is a definite keeper and I would promote him through the Dunkin’ Donuts ranks as quickly as possible. Maybe he could even star in your next commercial. Just a thought.
Keep making your crack coffee,
Brooke Amanda
Brent recently started drinking DD coffee. Smells pretty good. I’ve never been a coffee drinker and I doubt I’ll start now. I figure I have enough issues with insomnia and heart palpitations as it is.
I think Starbucks puts crack in their coffee. I get jittery on one cup and I normally drink coffee like it is the only beverage on earth. Plus, they jump down your throat when you walk in and I have panic atacks trying to figure out their sizes and options that are flying at me like a projectile puke, out of their mouths. All I want is a black, regular size coffee. Not to mention the regulars behind me getting pissy because I can’t figure out the “ordering system”. I just don’t go there.
Candice- I have heart palps too, but I don’t let that stop me
Sara- I’m too intimidated by Starbucks!
Sometimes I order ham when I’m stalking people too, but I’ll usually throw out the whole sandwich. Dunkin coffee is the best, but I usually go for cheap deli coffee because of its cheapness. Not because I’m cheap, but because I’m poor.
I would like to try something new at Starbucks but due to the complicated ordering (as Sara pointed out so eloquently) I just get the same thing everytime b/c I don’t want to fuck it up and get yelled out by the cool crowd who knows how to do it….
Oh, how I wish I liked coffee.
On a side note, you know who has the worst coffee ever? McDonalds! Ever since they change it a few years ago, it’s like drinking dirty water. I HATE IT.
Brooke, I must insist that you take back your unkind words about Mc D’s coffee. Any time I get it before I go to work, I follow up with a cup of Starbucks from the office coffee maker and it tastes totally scorched. Mickey D’s coffee is da bomb!!
I stand by my McDonald’s comments. They should have never changed the coffee!