Val Vents: “Fuck Cancer!”
I’ve asked a few of the funny and talented people I know to pretty please be guest writers for me.
The first guest writer is my friend Val and I keep telling her she needs to start a blog of her own! She does blog on myspace, but I think EVERYONE needs to read the thoughts in her twisted brain. Take it away Val!
Val Vents
Hello and thank you, Brooke Amanda, for inviting me to add to your uproariously funny blog of the same name [Brooke's note-I didn't even make her say that!] Some of your readers may already know who I am, but I thought a formal introduction would be appropriate. Hi, I’m Val. Brooke and I have been friends forever, but I do feel a little left out of her life as I have never been invited to play “Poor Kids.” I was, however, a member of the “Pink Flamingo’s” so I guess that makes up for it. (FYI…Brooke was the treasurer of the PF’s and has yet to divvy up the funds from our membership dues when we disbanded over 20 years ago. I want my money back! No, Brooke, I am never letting that go!)
Today, I’m going to vent about one of the many things that annoy me. Top of the list and today’s topic: Cancer Bracelets. You know what I’m talking about. It all started with Lance Armstrong, the ball-less wonder, and his LiveStrong campaign. Since then, the yellow bands have transformed into every color of the rainbow and for every cause you can think of. I hate these things. Awesome of you to support such a good cause by shelling out $2 bucks for a plastic bracelet made in China to wear around like a self-righteous prick while acting like you really made a difference. Give me a break! I shit you not, I was in a meeting with a guy who had three of them on. THREE! WTF?! He even had his sleeves rolled up, I assume to better showcase his many charitable causes. My hope is that, someday, cancer bracelets will actually be linked to causing cancer because they contain asbestos from the Chinese factory they were made in.
Serves you right. LIVE STRONG AND FUCK OFF.
Just so everyone knows, “Pink Flamingo’s” was a club we started in 4th or 5th grade. Naturally, I was the treasurer because I had an awesome pink cash box with a combination. Could any of the other girls have provided that kind of security for our money? The answer is no. Yes, I did keep the whopping $2 in change when we disbanded because, frankly, I felt it was payment for “services rendered”. Val, the next time I see you, I’ll give you your 50 cents back
Excellent contribution Val! You’ve really put the pressure on me to come up with something good. Bitch…
Congrats Val you have offically made my shit list! I agree with multiple ones but I do not agree with you on wearing one to show your support in general. Next time I see you Mrs. DambO (yeah tell Andy I called you the foreign exchange name) you are getting an a** chewing to the face!
Wow, I have written two posts ripping on two different ethnic groups and NO ONE says a word, but Val writes one about plastic bracelets and chaos ensues. LOVE IT! I think the point that Val was trying to make is that you don’t HAVE to wear one of those bracelets to support a cure for cancer, because, frankly, is there anyone out there who DOESN’T want to find a cure? I have been actively involved in Relay For Life for three years and I have never worn the t-shirt or bracelet they’ve given me because I know I did my part and don’t feel the need to advertise it. However, I do know many people who have lost loved ones to this horrible disease, so maybe they feel more of a personal connection and they want to wear the bracelets as more of a memorium. I would imagine in that case, Val wasn’t speaking to those people, but to the ones that DON’T have a personal connection and are doing it more as a fashion statement or a fad that they jumped on. I’m going to stop writing now because I didn’t write the post and I will let Val speak for herself
Uh… my foreign exchange name is Dambolo…get it right.
Feel free to ass chew but I stand by my OPINION that cancer bracelets are lame. I’ve lost two loved ones to cancer and personally support numerous causes but I still feel the bracelets are a trendy fad… Especially now, since I have seen them given out as freebies at bars by the Miller Girls. I guess that would be supporting the stop of beerlessness? Sort of looses it’s effectiveness for me.
PS… Brooke entitled my posting FUCK CANCER… which yes, fuck cancer… I wish it would go away. I don’t fucknig want cancer and I don’t want any more of my family or friends to get cancer. But really I was saying… fuck the cancer BRACELETS. Aybemay Ariamay ooktay atthay ethay ongwray ayway.
I can’t keep you foreign exchange students straight! I will chew Brooke’s butt now on the title which lead to the mistake of your point of view while reading. Way to go Brooke! Do you want to lose your status on the cookie list?
reading all the posts from Brooke, I feel pretty secure being honest, even with potential to offend someone (thanks Brooke for the opportunity). The bracelet wearing post reminded me of another trend I wanted to comment on.
“Ahem”, Those wearing those bracelts so proudly are probably sporting a State Farm badge as well. With pride they march around, cell phone on hip, badge around the neck and bracet (or multiple, as noted in the original post) on the wrist. Their big SUV’s drive the wrong way down parking lanes and expect you to move, cut you off in the grocery store with their carts and can usually be found in hurds at lunch time all over the community. I fear going to certain public places because I don’t work at “the Farm” and if I was single, I would NOT frequent those places looking for a spouse. I don’t care what discounts you get and where, take the badge off when you leave work, SF is not the holy Haven on earth (although the SF store is pretty nice).
All that said, the bracelets gotta go. Stop silently bragging about your tax writeoff for charitable contributions.
sidenote: I know a lot of people, who I love dearly, that work at SF
Sara-Good point! And that goes for Country Companies badges, too! They are always wearing them around the mall and I’ve even seen people at the BARS with them on. Gross. I would never want to walk around advertising where I work.
Maria- I stand by the title of the post because it’s supposed to be a “fuck you” to cancer, hence the title “Fuck Cancer.” Duh. I would also not read too much into any of these posts because I talk out my ass most of the time/I’m slightly buzzed when I write a lot of them
Val did not submit a title for her post and as the creator of this blog, I reserve the right to title them/retitle them for my own amusement.
“Lance Armstrong Faces Surgery After Crash”
I believe this is the doing of my little friend Karma for bringing about those stupid fucking cancer bracelets.
I rest my case.
Val, that is the first thing I thought when I heard about it!! Damn, we’re bitches.